To be heard

What does it mean, this seemingly simple goal of self-improvement? It's something that I consider in passing, a thought that seems rough and complex, beyond my comprehension but something worth considering nonetheless. It is in these moments that I think without aim, and often forget the haphazard conclusions I arrive without so much as becoming aware I've thought at all. However, tonight illumination carried me beyond the destructive forces of my own distracted tendencies.

But this thought, although previously abandoned, began several weeks ago. I was returning home from a friend's house when a woman approached my car requesting a ride. Her hesitation and jittery posture alerted me, but I decided that at such a late time, the least I could do was provide a bit of help. As she sat beside me, the pain behind her voice slowly seeped out and she shared with me her struggles to find a safe place to sleep. The conversation was constantly directed, by her, to money as she continuously requested some small amount of financial support. I had none, and without certainty of her mind state, I was unsure of what such aid would lead to anyway. As I dropped her off at a shelter, all I could think was that I didn't do enough. I didn't know what to say, how to respond, how to love. I didn't know how to be Jesus for this woman. I feel like I know God on some level, yet had no idea how to treat someone who desperately needed love. It broke my heart, and as I sat in my car praying for guidance and direction, I couldn't shake the feeling of shame that I didn't know what to do. I simply didn't know what to say.

Fast forward to present day, and I'm leaving metrotown station late at night. A woman stopped me outside the bus terminal, explaining her situation as a woman recently laid off, not a beggar but a regular citizen down on her luck. Embarrassed to ask, but required by necessity, she requested any change I might be able to spare. I never carry change or money really, and told her that I wish I could help, but I didn't have anything on me. I truly wished I could have helped, but again I felt helpless. As I walked away, God spoke to me. He had decided in this very moment to shed light on my prayer of weeks before.

How can I help? What can I do? What does everyone in that position need? What would I need? As I kept hearing her shame, I understood God's lesson for me. He said not to feel ashamed. He said that neither woman was below me, nor required to feel such a way in their requests for aid. He said that anyone could experience loss, and that the difficulties of these women in no way diminish their worth to Him. They are loved. God spoke these ideas as I walked away, privy to a voice that gave me no excuses or diversions, no guilt or remorse but instead a message of love that is to be shared. God gave me this simple advice to bridge the gap between His voice and my own. He spoke not to abstractly instruct or provide closure for me, He spoke to be heard.