I'm still alive

Yes, generally I am against the whole blogging as a journal philosophy, but perhaps in ramblings wisdom and enlightenment will find themselves revealed. Not saying it's likely, but who knows?

As she says above, I'm still alive. School has been dominating my mind for some reason lately and as a result my free time has been redirected to assignments and procrastination. Not the fancy "look-what-I-did" type, but the "wow-where-did-my-month-go" type, super lame. I wish my blog were connected to my brain and that some of my thoughts could just wirelessly transmit here, cause I have had so many Aha! moments this month which have gone undocumented. It is truly heartbreaking to know that somethings I considered valuable thoughts have come and gone, perhaps never to be considered again.

Lets take some time to gripe a bit about how backwards life is before moving on, shall we? Today the idea that we don't learn what we need has come creeping back into my mind a little stronger than usual. Quite honestly, I wonder what life might be like if the "valuable" topics we learn in school were switched with other things. I wonder the impact something like philosophy would have if it were introduced as a manditory subject in elementary school. Seems to me a subject concerned with free-thinking and the pursuit of knowledge is a decent candidate for the school system. I think back to all the useless lessons i've learned and forgotten only to be replaced with more drivel and wonder what could have been. Realistically, I know what I want to do, and have known for quite some time now, why is it that at the age of 17 it is decided that I can begin to choose what I want to learn and pursue? Baaaaaah, at least when I have children I'll try to open their eyes to more than the "necessary" basics.

NEXT! Hurray for friends and good times, yes? Furthermore, girlfriends who are crazy enough to babysit me through the days. Seriously, this lady has patience. I've decided life isn't worth living if it's not exciting and full of laughter, not for me at least. And luckily enough, Leah has the patience to "enjoy" my silliness in its many forms. Every moment I see another couple walking, sitting, eating in silence I shudder to think that that's all that happens in those relationships. Silence for its own sake can be peaceful and reflective, but silence for lack of conversation and laughter is a depressing sentence for a relationship. Thankfully I'm with a lady who enjoys working with kids, and doesn't mind bringing her work home with her.

Beyond this, I find myself caught in a complicated predicament of sorts. I never want to lose a friend, but find myself less and less motivated to maintain many failing friendships. Chances are if you're reading this but unwilling to say so, our friendship is on the crash cart, if it is still in a surviving stage. I guess a blog is sort of a cry for relationship of a different sort. It's as though those who mention reading my many words shine bring among the many people I know and stand out to me as those who still have interest in my life. It's all very egotistical as I consider who chooses me without doing any of the work myself. I think it means I'm in a bit of a funk, and need to motivate myself to spread the love among those who I care about, but so harshly neglect. It's all a big, confusing paradox of wants/needs/actions/inactions, but hopefully I can get a bit of a grip. But ye who read, shine bright and let yourselves be seen, I'm searching.

Until next time I decide to holler,
laaaaaaater days.