Ogres are Like Onions

It's said that ogres, much like onions, have layers. Right now I'm feeling mighty ogre-ish as I dissect my contradictory struggles of late. I'm finding such ease in condemnation and finger pointing as if I'm doing so from a position of an untouchable king. These silent voices deep inside tell me that what everyone else is doing is so wrong and sinful, while distracting me from my own flaws and mistakes. From the outer-most layer of smiles and joy to the concealed spoiled areas of misdirection and confusion, I'm feeling mighty ogre-ish.

It's not as though I'm reliving my emo/angsty years of adolescence where a minor insult is enough to set off bombs of rage and tsunamis of tears, this is a different situation entirely. It's a calm, collected, rational deflection of responsibility and maturity that is whispering instructions for everyone else. It's an ego-inflating, self-promoting voice. It's the parent blinded by love, certain and adamant that his average child is the next Einstein. This voice is the enemy.

This is where my ogreness is to my advantage. While this surface of smiles is no match for my delusional parent layer, there's this part of me much deeper down which keeps me grounded and in check. It doesn't always arrive on time to defeat this rotting layer, but it ALWAYS returns me to where I need to be. This layer is my Jesus layer. This layer tells me that no matter what, I'm loved. These are the words that my parent layer hates to use; these are not words of value in terms the world recognizes, but words of acceptance.

It doesn't matter what everyone else is doing, it's not my place to label, sort, and discard them; all that matters is that I know I'm loved. With this in mind, I WANT to stay in line, I WANT to live like Jesus, I WANT to make him proud. Not because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't, but because his love inspires me to carry out his work, and to be like him. This knowledge helps me to shed pieces of my uglier layers, and gives my surface something to smile about. It doesn't matter how many layers lead me to all sorts of different thoughts, behaviours, and words because Jesus is always waiting for me in the centre.