Love might look something like this

No titles come to mind as I frantically type all that passes through my mind. It's been too long. I think it's a good feeling to return to my blog with the excitement of encountering an old friend that I need to fill in with more than what happens to me. This is the essence. In the moments of deliberation, contemplation and realization the true self is shared.

Ever get the desire to go against the grain? Counter-will, I believe Mel calls it. Anyways, every time I am asked whether I'm an introvert or an extravert, I generally find that an honest answer is both. Maybe I feel that it's a cop out, so I say extravert, because the presence of others influences me to feel social. Yet, in the quiet of the night, with nothing but some music and my thoughts, I feel really comfortable. Solitude is maddening when it's all one knows, yet as an option it's the freedom to realize your thoughts can run their own course. Further maddening is it to realize you're thinking and doing exactly what the world wants of you, without intervention or choice.

I write as I think, which is why I don't edit my posts. I spell check, of course, because an English major like myself can't be caught making mistakes, but I like the flow of chaos. It's garbage to read, at times, but it is so much more real than a polished entry of thought. Who thinks with such structure? Certainly not myself.

In a post that began with such promise, I've neglected much substance. Here we go (I seem to favour that phrase). Sorry folks, I've been sitting here all of 5 minutes (sounds like less time than it feels like when you're keeping track) and I've been unable to think of anything but my fiancé. Scratch that, I'm not sorry. You know what people ask you all about when you're engaged? Yes you do, don't you? That's right, the wedding. To be honest, I don't know much about the wedding. To be entirely honest, I don't care much about the wedding. I care about the bride, I care about the groom (good fellow, he is) and I care about the marriage. Anticipation is jealous of my excitement as the day approaches that Leah and I are unified under God. With tremendously hyperbolic understatement, so greatly down-played do I tell you that excitement such as this only comes for truly wondrous things.

All the joy, peace, calm, and love in the world do I want for her. Tonight I could barely bear to leave her and get to my homework. I felt overcome with the spirit. I felt confirmed. I feel confirmed. Man is it ever a great feeling. So yes, please do ask. Ask all you're willing to hear about; as I could speak 10,000 words of what I feel for her. I could share in great depth, with huge emphasis and marvellous emotion, speaking till my voice dries up or your ears begin to filter my utterances as white noise. But, please don't expect such a response to your questions of the wedding. I will refer you to Leah/give an uncertain response. My thoughts are tied up with the musings of my heart.