Inner Monologue

While I find myself surrounded by others, I feel torn between a desire for isolation and the guilt of knowing I'm a social disappointment. It seems as though, with each passing day, I grow more disappointed with myself and this tension. I feel empty, in many ways, as though I'm missing out on life. It's a sinking, all consuming feeling that leaves me only desiring a further retreat from the presense of others. Throughout all this, I am only sickened by this self-pitying attitude that I gravitate towards, feeling as though there's some great separation between my true self and this negative persona inhabiting my thoughts. Truthfully I ask if integrity is of value when I feel so utterly disappointing, as if this complex problem would be solved by putting it on display. What analysis will lead to resolution? I know the answers, I feel, but it feels empty. I am vacant, with only hope that I shall soon overcome. Encouragement seems a burden, as in the light of sacrifice and grace I'm uninspired towards change.

I'll be home, in a little while, lover I'll be home.

That's my prayer.