Just an update

School is decent, work is good, life is busy, am I enjoying it? Sometimes.

Now that the update is out of the way, lets discuss some more interesting matters.

Please tell me I'm wrong, but I believe motivation is dead. Well, perhaps I should qualify that statement and reduce its absolute nature. Intrinsic motivation is on life support. Why do we do the many things that we do? Why do we learn? Why do we work? Why?

I'd like to say that we do it because in these areas we find fulfillment. I'd like to say that I make decisions that, within the short time frame of my existence, both fulfill a sense of purpose in me and mutually benefit those around me. I'd like to think that the passion I have for learning, music, language, discussion, philosophy, sports and love motivate me to act far more than the dreary need to fit in and do as I am expected, but I think I'd be deceiving myself. I believe that we are social beings who, somewhere along the line, stopped considering personal development as a worthy goal in itself and got caught up with an intense need for social validation.

It'd be easy to point to social media as exhibit A and toss the blame at whomever thought it'd be a good idea to encourage the masses to subjugation by encouraging "following" in numbers exceeding populations of entire nations. It'd be easy to say that this need stems from an intense desire to be "liked" without considering why, despite our technological innovations, we feel so disconnected. But simplicity is seldom a settling solution to such complex considerations.

As we age we acquire concrete thinking processes that teach us to move beyond the realm of subjective experience into the world of objective explanation. We discover that there are answers and our opinions are private matters that really only matter when they fit neatly within the trends of popular thought. We are shaped to want to be accepted, and groomed to expect of ourselves a set of culturally agreed upon expectations. Go to school, get a job, own a house, own a car, find a partner, have children, etc. We may feel a desire for these things, but is this desire our very own? Even if it is, how do we keep such a thing pure?

I wish to be a teacher because it is my passion. I love to learn, but I also fully acknowledge that I harbour resentment toward educational institutions, standardizations, and anything that places expectations of success above the importance of developing a passion for learning. I approach my classes with an attitude that says "convince me this is worth my time," perhaps due to the disappointment I feel in the idea of educational systems. This problem is such an interwoven conundrum that I need to clear my head to think about it. Although usually I try to avoid rambling in such a disconnected way, perhaps this will be the verbalization I needed to begin wrestling with these concepts.

Beyond this, I am beginning to feel somewhat isolated again. I hope this is just a phase or some sort of pattern that can be brought to an end. Take care folks.