The Wheel Keeps Spinning

The sky contains more joy than I'll know.

Or at least, it feels that way sometimes. As if off in the distance there's this untapped location stowing away all the happiness I'm short of experiencing, and to attend this place would be to experience freedom from frustration and sorrow. I don't want to run from worry, I want to face it head on. Yet, to face it with the confidence I know I'll one day be capable of mustering seems like the poetic thing to await. Yet, there is no barrier between the dissatisfaction I feel now and the joyous emotion of this future place. I am the only thing in my way, and I am crippling myself with the distant goal by ever placing it several feet beyond my reach.

It's the image of a hamster on a running wheel that best characterizes this position we find ourselves in. Always working, sometimes pushing extra hard, as if the effort we put in on that wheel will bring us any closer to this joy. Maybe running is your passion, and an end in itself, but if you're spinning the wheel with the hopes that one day something changes, it's time to get off it and step on more solid ground. Why is it that we accept where we are, and sit around with hope that something will alter our condition if we just wait for it. I'm not saying we should be without hope. Rather, we should engage in hope, let it be an active position and allow ourselves to seek out fulfillment rather than wait for it to come to us.

When I die, I want to die a happy man. Would I be disappointed if I died tomorrow? Yes, probably. Why? Because there's so much stuff I haven't done yet. Not because I'm not a happy man, but because there are all these other goals unspoken yet fully entrenched in my being. If you gave me twenty four hours to live, I'd reflect deeply and use that time for great things. I'd die tired. And yet, here I sit, perfectly aware that my time is limited, and perfectly content to stockpile my energy as I spin the wheel and wait for signs of impending danger. Even though I'm aware of this predicament, it's a tough first step to take.