Venting/Trying to Figure out What to do

So lately it has come to my attention that no matter what I do, no matter what others may think, no matter how much effort I put into relationships, I'm bound to fail. Unfortunately, the failures of late haven't been little things, not to me anyways. The failures have been really offensive, they have been born from carelessness and represented me as a man I'd never wish to be. An apology may repair the damage-if forgiveness is afforded to me-but it doesn't change the fact that there are major areas in my life which I have come to overlook.

I came back from a church retreat this weekend on somewhat of a high horse. While I wasn't outwardly exclaiming anything prideful, nor had I been acting in a damaging nature, inside the feeling grew that I was doing things right. The feeling that swelled within had me feeling that I had been making all the right decisions, that I was well-liked by all, and that regardless of my effort, people would flock to me. I have taken friendship for granted, and to some extent forgotten what it means to properly engage in this bond. I have spent much time praying that I'll be a good husband, reflecting on what it means to be married, and what my role will look like, and I've neglected to care for the people around me.

I feel terrible. I feel absolutely terrible that I am about to get married in 3 weeks time, and there are people I have neglected to invite simply due to fear of offending them. If anyone knows the way to express this feeling, to overcome this issue please let me know. We are having a small reception, and in that comes the challenge of how invites are sent out. In the one wedding that I've attended, it was common knowledge that to be invited to one, without the other, was a major faux pas. I have thus spent hours trying to make a list that works, and feeling guilty over names of people I care about whom I wouldn't be able to invite. I want everyone to come to see my love for Leah, I want EVERYONE who cares, has cared, may care, thinks about us, knows us, etc to celebrate with me. But I let fear of awkward social conventions dictate my decision and have had it smack me in the face. I don't know where to go from here, but I feel as though regardless of my decision I've already approached this wrong. Please do weigh in, cause I'm feeling VERY hurt by the knowledge that I'm doing the wrong thing, and I need advice more than ever.

While I vent my regret, I know nothing more to say to express this remorse. Perhaps the words not said, the sentiments not expressed, have already done irrepairible damage. If not, I hope to try and fix this mistake, and am running out of time in which to act. Excuse my possible errors as I madly click away here on my laptop, this reflection was written out of true sentiment, and not filtered, edited, re-worded or altered as I feel it's best for me to be as real as possible about my reflection as thoughts come and go. Forgiveness is all I may ask of those who feel like I've let them down. The best thing for me is to know who you are, with the hope that I can become a better man through humility and grace. I'm sorry, and though I've not shown it, I hope you know I have come to value every relationship that has gotten me through the years of struggle and hardship.

Thanks for listening, my virtual therapists.