Needs and Wants

Even as I am given the greatest gifts of all, my eyes stare greedily at that which I lack. When my needs are met, I no longer view the world in terms of satisfaction. Suddenly, my desires become a necessity and I toil and strive for them with a careless lust in search of self satisfaction. Not only are my efforts egotistical, but harmful as I becoming willing to justify my wants over the true needs of others. When I go starving, I need nutrients. Yet when my cup is full, I return for more in hopes that I'll secure provisions for tomorrow while others go without today.

I am motivated by fear, drawn to the loudest voices encouraging my paranoid dread. For me, compassion is a buzz word displayed as a trophy gathering dust on a mantle, brought out only to demonstrate status and garner acceptance. I care...watch as I click my way to support or donate an hour of my precious time to your cause while not bothering to understand your obstacles. I am self serving, self protecting, and afraid. I am the facade of a smile, cracking beneath a worn exterior which grows tired of its own falsehoods. I am all I've grown to detest but often fear the abyss of change too greatly to seek improvement. I am vulnerability incarnate as I truly examine my shortcomings and list them in a pitiful list of weaknesses.

Yet, amidst all this I am not without hope. I may stand tall and admit my weakness or cower in a shell of fear, citing the normalcy of these despicable characteristics. I may face the fact that perfection is my goal, not my requirement, and that an imperfect humility is worth more than a distorted perfection. I may bring myself in submission to One who restores the broken. I may repent, not out of fear of judgement or the pressures of my peers, but out of a desire to be something greater than the self reliant man I gravitate towards being. Only in my admission of my mistakes, the humble posture I must assume, may I bring myself closer to a better reality; one in which I have ears to hear and eyes to see beyond the needs and wants of my isolated existence.