Dramatic title, no? Well, this post will be somewhat of a confession, followed by expression of regret, and it all culminating in a hopeful conclusion. There's no guarantee that this path will remain unvisited by me in the future, just the hope that it is avoided for want of a better way. Enjoy.
First and foremost, an apology - to be taken in earnest - is due to those who I may have offended by any sort of anti-hipster sentiments I've expressed of late. I don't think the people close to me associate themselves all too closely with that label in an explicit way, and therefore may have remained free of offense, yet an apology is due nonetheless. It's wrong to spread hate, in any degree or manifestation, against others. It's more wrong to spread this hate without purpose or reason.
To allow oneself to be so affected by the dress and customs to such a degree that it develops strong distaste is wrong. It's easy to do when those people are in direct contact with you - when they're in your city or town - but convenience is no reason to get carried away with the spread of hatred. As I say before, hatred may itself fall on a spectrum, and even the most minute manifestation of distaste, if nurtured in similar fashion, may itself be a degree of hatred. There is no objective difference between hating a man for the colour of his skin than hating for his dress. There's no enlightenment in judging your behaviours as superior and thus drawing a negative comparison to all others who don't fit your paradigm. It is all wrong. I am guilty of this, and for this, I apologize.
How did I realize, then, that the way I've been acting is wrong? Simple, it was through song that I considered the duality of my behaviour; the hypocrisy of my heart was plain to see when I sat down enjoying the amazing music of people who I would have previously characterized in a negative way. Sitting here, coming increasingly close to a place where my spirit is lifted; I realized that I could respect these people for their abilities. I realized that I ought to love them for much more than what they may bestow upon me. I ought to be the man I aspire to be, I ought to live a life of love rather than a life of aspiration to love. Capacity alone is static; it is through action that one truly defines their limits.
It is extremely easy to see the world in terms of a selfish subjectivity. It's easy to see myself as rational, correct, both an agent and a victim; to become all sides in an attempt to justify my actions as the default position. Yet, this sort of "me" thinking limits my mind in its ability to recognize when I perpetrate an injustice on all of the "you"s. What does it matter if you dress, talk, think, and feel differently than I? Unique is not something to be feared or hated, but rather embraced. While we share differences, we all desire acceptance and love. This is the human condition. The goal, therefore, is not to sort people into categories but to embrace people in a blind way. The goal is to see through the differences, as deep or shallow as they may lay, and see the common desire. The goal, however, is not abstract. It is realized in every glance, every exchange, and every moment through which you perceive an insignificant interaction has passed. Each opportunity is yours to decide how you want to react to the varieties of our world.
We are empowered to resist the ways of the world. We accept our position in a flawed, broken, hurting, unjust world, but this acceptance doesn't need to limit our ability to seek change. It begins with thought. Conscious reflection on life, on the direction we walk and the repercussions of our steps helps us define a path. The danger isn't the choice; the danger is the perception of helplessness. Apathy stems from this feeling that no matter what, there will not be change. Apathy then spreads from isolated incidents to a way one deals with all situations. It infects the mind to ignore its ability to influence the world, and coaxes the individual toward blind acceptance of the status quo. Why we would ever accept our world as an eternally broken place confounds me.
Though we care less, we still care and maintain the earth we inhabit. What happens when we stop caring all together? The day thought dies in the individual, that very condition uniting us ceases to carry importance. These isolated incidents of hatred for me, while small and relatively insignificant, may very well help lead me on the path of an apathetic existence. Yet, there is hope in my ability to resist, my ability to look beyond those markers I've been conditioned to respond to, and to accept all people. The alternative is grim, the results of which would not be seen until change is all but impossible. If it starts with one reflection, it should continue to carry through all other decisions till each and every thought about the way I want to live my life is displayed through the way I'd already been living it.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
So...sup?
I need to be a photoblogger, photobloggers are cool. First, I need camera. Hmmm. It seems like a lot of work. Maybe I'll stick to text based blogging.
Anyways, I found some old essays of mine, good times. On that note, my SFU essay streak is looking pretty hot right now as I found out recently my teacher took a liking to my latest one. How affirming is that, amiright? Maybe this English language thing aint so bad after all.
And now, back I go to the mound of work. Just thought i'd give what essentially could have amounted to a tweet in the form of some decent interaction for the eyes that, like mine, have a hard time staying in productive places.
Later days.
Anyways, I found some old essays of mine, good times. On that note, my SFU essay streak is looking pretty hot right now as I found out recently my teacher took a liking to my latest one. How affirming is that, amiright? Maybe this English language thing aint so bad after all.
And now, back I go to the mound of work. Just thought i'd give what essentially could have amounted to a tweet in the form of some decent interaction for the eyes that, like mine, have a hard time staying in productive places.
Later days.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
My Life Be Like...
The kid is officially sick. Boo! For at least a week I've been combating the notion that I could be brought down by sickness, only to succumb to the peer pressure and admit my inevitable defeat. How's that for dramatic?
On the plus side, it's reading break. So really, for me, it's sickness break. I don't know why I set such lofty goals when in reality I'll not come close to achieving them. I planned to do work every morning this week, and thus be productive in my reading break. So far I'm 0 for 3. Life aint easy, alright? Plus...no, let's just leave it at that. I'm pretty brutal at the whole proactive thing.
I'm in the mood to make sweeping, absolutist statements, and as such, I shall say that I'll never be satisfied with the present condition. That's not to say that I won't be thankful or appreciative of what I have, just that it'll be easier to focus on what I'm lacking. Not in the sense of material possessions, mind you, more so personal qualities. I wish I was a baller, I wish I were a little bit taller, etc. You get the picture. But in seriousness, it's much easier to step back from a picture and notice what you'd fix instead of marvelling at all which you've gotten right. That's generally the sentiment I'm feeling at the moment.
Now, while I update you fine folks, as identity can so often be reduced to the few aspects of life which people attribute ones existence to, I shall give an account of my present circumstances.
Wedding: invitations done (I'd like to say it was a team effort, and I suppose it was, but I was benched for said performance), caterer being pursued (this one I've got, we're going with The Banqueting Table), guest list being trimmed (painful process, to say the least. Think of all your previous experiences making guest lists, and compress them into one super-meaningful, hugely sensitive subject and multiply by one million to comprehend the pressure), budget being worked and reworked (more often the latter than the former), cake being pursued (Leah's handling this one), location settled upon.
Rings, rentals, suit, etc. = still to be completed.
Soccer: CFC! Bet many of you don't know what CFC is, but for those who do, respect. We're in the playoffs, having clinched first place in our division, and showing no signs of stopping. Game this Saturday in Port Moody against the top team of a rival division. Should be a good match.
School: Meh.
Social: Much better. In the past month, I've seen people I'd gone ages without seeing. It's hard to put into words what something so seemingly insignificant can do to a person’s state-of-mind. At the very least, it's nice to know that everyone's doing well, at the most, it's nice to know that time has no bearing on true friendship, as those who matter most are justified in being so valued.
Relationship: Madly in love, I suppose. In all seriousness, two things really come to mind. One, simple and light, in half a year’s time I'll be married to a woman I'd give anything for. Anticipation, even as it is contrary to my nature, is beginning to creep up on me. Perhaps I'll let it. Two, heavy and dark, I'm learning how tough it is to carry the weight of my sinful behaviour as it weighs upon the shoulders of someone else. To know I'll mess up is one thing, but to know that my messing up can bring someone else down, is a tough thing to come to terms with. I don't feel hopeless, but just aware of the gravity of our commitment to be married, and the responsibilities my role carries not only in times of joy, but in times of pain. Love aint easy folks, and in trying to keep myself righteous, I need to constantly think of those around me as pillars of encouragement.
This is all. This is not all who I am, but rather the convenience sake update that's becoming increasingly valuable in today's society. If not to be read by any eyes but my own, at least I can look back and get a good view of the man people could see in me.
TL;DR: though flawed, life's good.
On the plus side, it's reading break. So really, for me, it's sickness break. I don't know why I set such lofty goals when in reality I'll not come close to achieving them. I planned to do work every morning this week, and thus be productive in my reading break. So far I'm 0 for 3. Life aint easy, alright? Plus...no, let's just leave it at that. I'm pretty brutal at the whole proactive thing.
I'm in the mood to make sweeping, absolutist statements, and as such, I shall say that I'll never be satisfied with the present condition. That's not to say that I won't be thankful or appreciative of what I have, just that it'll be easier to focus on what I'm lacking. Not in the sense of material possessions, mind you, more so personal qualities. I wish I was a baller, I wish I were a little bit taller, etc. You get the picture. But in seriousness, it's much easier to step back from a picture and notice what you'd fix instead of marvelling at all which you've gotten right. That's generally the sentiment I'm feeling at the moment.
Now, while I update you fine folks, as identity can so often be reduced to the few aspects of life which people attribute ones existence to, I shall give an account of my present circumstances.
Wedding: invitations done (I'd like to say it was a team effort, and I suppose it was, but I was benched for said performance), caterer being pursued (this one I've got, we're going with The Banqueting Table), guest list being trimmed (painful process, to say the least. Think of all your previous experiences making guest lists, and compress them into one super-meaningful, hugely sensitive subject and multiply by one million to comprehend the pressure), budget being worked and reworked (more often the latter than the former), cake being pursued (Leah's handling this one), location settled upon.
Rings, rentals, suit, etc. = still to be completed.
Soccer: CFC! Bet many of you don't know what CFC is, but for those who do, respect. We're in the playoffs, having clinched first place in our division, and showing no signs of stopping. Game this Saturday in Port Moody against the top team of a rival division. Should be a good match.
School: Meh.
Social: Much better. In the past month, I've seen people I'd gone ages without seeing. It's hard to put into words what something so seemingly insignificant can do to a person’s state-of-mind. At the very least, it's nice to know that everyone's doing well, at the most, it's nice to know that time has no bearing on true friendship, as those who matter most are justified in being so valued.
Relationship: Madly in love, I suppose. In all seriousness, two things really come to mind. One, simple and light, in half a year’s time I'll be married to a woman I'd give anything for. Anticipation, even as it is contrary to my nature, is beginning to creep up on me. Perhaps I'll let it. Two, heavy and dark, I'm learning how tough it is to carry the weight of my sinful behaviour as it weighs upon the shoulders of someone else. To know I'll mess up is one thing, but to know that my messing up can bring someone else down, is a tough thing to come to terms with. I don't feel hopeless, but just aware of the gravity of our commitment to be married, and the responsibilities my role carries not only in times of joy, but in times of pain. Love aint easy folks, and in trying to keep myself righteous, I need to constantly think of those around me as pillars of encouragement.
This is all. This is not all who I am, but rather the convenience sake update that's becoming increasingly valuable in today's society. If not to be read by any eyes but my own, at least I can look back and get a good view of the man people could see in me.
TL;DR: though flawed, life's good.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Filling the Hole
Hearing words of truth uttered with such conviction, such passion, such certainty and integrity; it's making me wonder why it's getting so hard to speak. Avoiding unposessed areas of virtue, inwardly do I look upon the void. Wholely certain that this massive crater deep within only has room to grow, I prepare the self-sacrifice of more. Giving up everything, I submit to emptiness. Isolation makes nothing of men, and takes men to a state of nothingness.
My vision is limited to the pictures in my memory. Past bleeds into the present and still memories overwhelm my sights. In a crowd of solitary confinement, this hole grows ever larger. I land upon firm ground, surrounded by the encroaching waves of the faceless crowd, blind to the presence of humanity.
With an ear to hear in this muted existence do I find myself ever searching for a voice; some sound to take away the dark days. To speak is to be heard, and a lifetime of inner dialogue will not fill this hole. With an arm of exhaustion do I find myself reaching for strength to share the depth of this depression, to relate the means of my destruction. Hope is the light with which I can illuminate this void.
Speaking aloud my forgiveness plea, I pray with you that He'll come fill me.
My vision is limited to the pictures in my memory. Past bleeds into the present and still memories overwhelm my sights. In a crowd of solitary confinement, this hole grows ever larger. I land upon firm ground, surrounded by the encroaching waves of the faceless crowd, blind to the presence of humanity.
With an ear to hear in this muted existence do I find myself ever searching for a voice; some sound to take away the dark days. To speak is to be heard, and a lifetime of inner dialogue will not fill this hole. With an arm of exhaustion do I find myself reaching for strength to share the depth of this depression, to relate the means of my destruction. Hope is the light with which I can illuminate this void.
Speaking aloud my forgiveness plea, I pray with you that He'll come fill me.
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