God,
Make my prayers like poetry,
Make my desires perfect, and my dependence absolute.
Give me words to speak, not to be heard but to communicate my hurt.
Give me eyes to see not weakness or suffering but the pain behind circumstance.
Let me be that which I'm created to be, not that which I desire but that which is desired of me.
That I may identify with the universality of a world torn from your presence.
That I may stand boldly behind my confessions aware of your sacrifice.
Aware that I falter, that I stray, that I fail, that I need.
Aware that yours is a language of love.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Time
Is it just me, or is time fascinating? Sometimes the most beautiful things aren't the sunsets, the starry nights, the falling snow or the autumn leaves, not the things which we look upon and appreciate but rather the things which we completely ignore. These things, once noticed, stand out like color embedded in dull greys, startling our conscious mind and demanding our focus. We see beauty in celebrities and fashion models, this beauty we observe as directed and appreciate as expected, but this other beauty is found in the wrinkles of old age. It is not that which has happened, or that which is yet to be, but that which is in process, slowly developing beyond our detection. This is the beauty of time.
We are forever consumed with its not yet and alreadys, its long ago and its when I grow ups. We pace nervously in anticipation and sigh heavily in our relief of a moment passed. We direct ourselves to seize the day which is yet to be, live for the moment that lies still in our past, and only live once conquering opportunities to experience the true extent of this sole lifespan. With all of our emphasis on life, the life lived and that which lies ahead, we overlook the beauty of this moment.
There will never be a time like this. In all my days, with all the thoughts I've yet to experience, I'll never recreate this instant. It is both entirely new and forever old, and as I pass it by I fail to acknowledge its work. As lines are formed, carved deeper and made bolder, I hope to one day be startled by the beauty of it all. Not to limit it to what is before me, or decide as to what deserves my attention, but to be aware of this silent beauty which simply is.
We are forever consumed with its not yet and alreadys, its long ago and its when I grow ups. We pace nervously in anticipation and sigh heavily in our relief of a moment passed. We direct ourselves to seize the day which is yet to be, live for the moment that lies still in our past, and only live once conquering opportunities to experience the true extent of this sole lifespan. With all of our emphasis on life, the life lived and that which lies ahead, we overlook the beauty of this moment.
There will never be a time like this. In all my days, with all the thoughts I've yet to experience, I'll never recreate this instant. It is both entirely new and forever old, and as I pass it by I fail to acknowledge its work. As lines are formed, carved deeper and made bolder, I hope to one day be startled by the beauty of it all. Not to limit it to what is before me, or decide as to what deserves my attention, but to be aware of this silent beauty which simply is.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
To Be Consumed
What is consumption? (Asks the quasi-philosophical chap with the new haircut and PJ pants)
What does it mean to be a consumer? See now, if you're anything like me, I suspect you're all "psssh, I know what a consumer is." But of course, to be difficult, sometimes the things which we easily define are far more complex than we allow them to be in our own imaginations. Yes, a consumer is a customer, a purchaser of goods, one who uses products, etc. However, I believe it goes deeper. I believe that a consumer mentality is what you're buying into (ha! Pun! This guy with his puns! Ha!). I believe that a consumer is part of a more complex system wherein we're being shuffled and moved around like the products we pursue. I believe that consumerism is so deeply entrenched in us that we have to fight to escape it. That at our core, it is something that impacts our identity. That it has potential to become our driving force beyond all other forces in our lives.
What value is there in a consumer who functions independent of the consumerist system? Like faulty wears, this person stands out as a malfunctioning cog in a system of compliance and conformity. To be a consumer, one must actively consume. Not only that, one should consume what is being produced, what companies wish the individual to pursue. You now may be thinking, "please Matthew, tell me what to buy." Well...maybe not. But I bet it's in there somewhere. That's how this whole thing works. We feel this need, this hole, and we seek to fill it with the things we can buy. What's more unsettling, when we are unsure of what can fill this gap, we seek to be told and there's no shortage of people willing to tell you.
You feeling empty? Try this. It'll help. It'll cure everything. It'll make you thinner, more appealing, more intelligent, more attractive, a better athlete, a better lover, a better you! Just-make-sure-the-credit-card-clears aaaaaaaand there you have it. But now that you have it, if you find it isn't working, just return it, try something new. There's no shortage of products let me assure you. Consumption is about more than the things we buy, it's what we're buying into.
Now when I have, I seek to preserve. What I amass, I protect. These things I buy, they are important because at some point or another, they made me feel good. They gave me worth, I owe it to them to protect them. I insure them, losing them would be like losing a part of me, and I feel lost without them. My phone, my laptop, my wallet, my tv, my life is contained in my possessions. How did I ever function without them? Not only do these things define me, they elevate me by comparison to the self-definition I see in others.
How sad, you have last years model. That's rough.
No phone, ouch. Must be tough.
I'm glad I'm secure in who I am, I cannot imagine being without what I have.
I'm so happy, I finally got fillintheblank and I'll use it for several weeks, realistically, before I pursue my next life giving purchase.
We are profoundly empty, an endless pit of consumerism encouraging envy, irrational protection/preservation and deep seeded insecurity.
Now is where I do the thing where I say the stuff on my mind that prompted this mad rambling. Sitting here at home along, I realized something. I want to know that others have more, and make peace with having less. That's right folks, I want to accept my lack of self-definition through the things I own. I wish to be okay with the acknowledgement that I'll never have a new car, never have a fancy guitar or a big shiny house. If the things I own will define me, I wish to be defined with modesty. If I can refute this self-identification with the things I own, I wish to know myself not by the things I buy to fill this void but rather the things I abstain from buying.
Aware of what it is to consume, to be a consumer, and to be consumed by this mindset, I strive to be set apart. This hypnotic seduction is ever-present, and to resist is tireless, but identity should be constructed in the substance of our souls, the virtues of the mind, the pursuit of joy, not the things which we consume, lest identity itself be consumed.
What does it mean to be a consumer? See now, if you're anything like me, I suspect you're all "psssh, I know what a consumer is." But of course, to be difficult, sometimes the things which we easily define are far more complex than we allow them to be in our own imaginations. Yes, a consumer is a customer, a purchaser of goods, one who uses products, etc. However, I believe it goes deeper. I believe that a consumer mentality is what you're buying into (ha! Pun! This guy with his puns! Ha!). I believe that a consumer is part of a more complex system wherein we're being shuffled and moved around like the products we pursue. I believe that consumerism is so deeply entrenched in us that we have to fight to escape it. That at our core, it is something that impacts our identity. That it has potential to become our driving force beyond all other forces in our lives.
What value is there in a consumer who functions independent of the consumerist system? Like faulty wears, this person stands out as a malfunctioning cog in a system of compliance and conformity. To be a consumer, one must actively consume. Not only that, one should consume what is being produced, what companies wish the individual to pursue. You now may be thinking, "please Matthew, tell me what to buy." Well...maybe not. But I bet it's in there somewhere. That's how this whole thing works. We feel this need, this hole, and we seek to fill it with the things we can buy. What's more unsettling, when we are unsure of what can fill this gap, we seek to be told and there's no shortage of people willing to tell you.
You feeling empty? Try this. It'll help. It'll cure everything. It'll make you thinner, more appealing, more intelligent, more attractive, a better athlete, a better lover, a better you! Just-make-sure-the-credit-card-clears aaaaaaaand there you have it. But now that you have it, if you find it isn't working, just return it, try something new. There's no shortage of products let me assure you. Consumption is about more than the things we buy, it's what we're buying into.
Now when I have, I seek to preserve. What I amass, I protect. These things I buy, they are important because at some point or another, they made me feel good. They gave me worth, I owe it to them to protect them. I insure them, losing them would be like losing a part of me, and I feel lost without them. My phone, my laptop, my wallet, my tv, my life is contained in my possessions. How did I ever function without them? Not only do these things define me, they elevate me by comparison to the self-definition I see in others.
How sad, you have last years model. That's rough.
No phone, ouch. Must be tough.
I'm glad I'm secure in who I am, I cannot imagine being without what I have.
I'm so happy, I finally got fillintheblank and I'll use it for several weeks, realistically, before I pursue my next life giving purchase.
We are profoundly empty, an endless pit of consumerism encouraging envy, irrational protection/preservation and deep seeded insecurity.
Now is where I do the thing where I say the stuff on my mind that prompted this mad rambling. Sitting here at home along, I realized something. I want to know that others have more, and make peace with having less. That's right folks, I want to accept my lack of self-definition through the things I own. I wish to be okay with the acknowledgement that I'll never have a new car, never have a fancy guitar or a big shiny house. If the things I own will define me, I wish to be defined with modesty. If I can refute this self-identification with the things I own, I wish to know myself not by the things I buy to fill this void but rather the things I abstain from buying.
Aware of what it is to consume, to be a consumer, and to be consumed by this mindset, I strive to be set apart. This hypnotic seduction is ever-present, and to resist is tireless, but identity should be constructed in the substance of our souls, the virtues of the mind, the pursuit of joy, not the things which we consume, lest identity itself be consumed.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Self-introduction
I wake up, and I do it all again, yet life somehow feels like a progression. In the time it takes for my mind to reflect on its own growth, I've been busy developing beyond the point at which introspection began. I'll never fully comprehend the person I've become, and that is utterly dissatisfying. With each pause, each gaze inward, I am introduced to a new me. It's as though my soul is waiting for the cognitive update, allowing itself to grow and adapt, yet restricted to its former capacities until I've hit refresh. It's great to constantly be introduced to an ever changing self, but it certainly limits my capacity for a fully integrated integrity. Who am I now? I am both asked and I ask this of myself, without appreciation for the complex inquiry this poses. It's a great question, and I am as thrilled to give a thorough account as one may be to receive it as I rediscover aspects of my shifting self. I'm a guitarist, now. I'm a Christian, now. I'm a husband, now. I'm a man with hair too long, ambitions too limited and a future all too uncertain to be comfortable, though I'm a man who doesn't appreciate comfort all that much as it is. As I grow tired, and the day reaches its end, I prepare myself to reset the clock until such a time when...
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