Monday, May 31, 2010

Woo Hoo!

So what started as a side project that I thought I’d discard has grown immensely. In fact, in the past week the number of followers I have has grown by over 30%. That's right, I'm up to 3 followers (excluding myself). If this isn't cause to celebrate, I don't know what is. Beyond the amount of actual declared followers, I have reason to believe my unregistered fan base is hovering somewhere in the thousands, but there's just no way to prove it. Oh well, you thousand or so, I urge you to sign up and follow in the legit way for the entire world to see.

Rain, rain, go away, etc. It's not that we don't appreciate what you do for us; it's just that your presence is somewhat of a buzz kill that extracts the joy from the hearts of children and adults everywhere, no offense. This week I'll be active(r) than the last, and I could really use some sunshine. I've got soccer tonight and Wednesday, volleyball Tuesday, and maybe I'll do some biking scattered throughout the week if I can afford to get my bike all spiffied up. So yes, as I say, rain could you please depart for our summer vacation? Thanks.

I'm finding lately that people generally expect you to be free whenever they are. The exception to this seems to be when they're getting paid to meet with you. I wish my friends would call me like my dentist. The receptionist is so flexible. She'll call me up, make an appointment with me whenever I can make it in, and won't for a second expect me to change my plans. She'll even call me the day before to confirm that I'll be there. She's just too kind, or I suppose she would be if it weren't her job; if I weren't paying for the service. But really, there's something that can be learned from this way of being. I bet you there aren't too many people who bail on their dentists; who make plans and then ditch at the last minute without letting them know. It's as though nobody wants to do the work unless it's their job.

Whenever I blog a legitimate blog, I love to follow the same format. From what's humorous, light, and surface to what's deeper, more serious and on my mind. Allow me to continue. I'm growing up. No, this is no Fischer Price commercial, but I'm a rather big kid now. Not only that, but my life is growing with me. We're aging together. I'm this portion having all the fun, living life with more freedom and joy. My life carries along all the bills, appointments, etc. We work together, but I never want to be reduced to my aging life. It's becoming increasingly obvious to me that in the next few years I'm going to add such drastic changes to my life that there's a chance that I am affected and changed by it all. Of course I expect my life to change, and I expect my life to add all sorts of new things, but I don't want me to change. I don't want to lose sight of who I am now, who I have been in the past, in exchange for something serious and mature. My life will be serious and mature enough as it is, I don't need to lose my youth because I'm aging. I desire so strongly to be in control of the things I have no power over and it's a major roadblock preventing me from some serious growth. But, as a step, I've been made aware. Now is my time to start chipping away at this obstacle, until ultimately I can live my life confident that it’ll be alright without my constant intervention. If I just be me, and let my life change the way it's going to, I figure it'll all turn out okay. Cheers, readers, for being my shoulder.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Jooooookes!

-You know what's funny? Like last week my local newspaper had a pun contest. It was this big thing for city residents where they had to make up an original pun, the editors would pick their favorites, then people could vote on their favorite. Then the winner would get to have their own little column in like the "local news" section. I thought it was kinda cool.

So I spent a night and a day working on puns for this contest, right? I end up with ten puns that I was positive were good enough to win the thing and I send all of them in, confident that at least ONE of them would make it to the final voting round.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.


-I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'


-Two olives are hanging from a tree, when one olive falls down. The olive in the tree looks down at the olive on the ground and asks, "Are you okay?” The olive on the ground looks up and says, "I'll live."


-Q: What do you call an arrogant fugitive falling from a building?
A: Condescending.


- A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here," says the bartender. "Aww c'mon..." pleads the mushroom, "I'm a fun guy"


-Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


-What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do?
...He stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Paradise

Your embrace is my paradise...

your smile the sun; glimmering golden rays of warmth.
On a beautiful day with clear skies I can see for miles.
I watch envious of the horizon, yearning for its closeness to the setting stars,
but settling for my place, knowing it's right where you want me.

With a shudder I feel the cool breeze of your breath upon my neck.
Your whispers soothe my stormy states and carry them away with the wind.
I desperately try to clasp your secrets as they're breathed upon me,
and even as they slip through my fingers, I grasp their meaning firmly.

And when the elements attack; when storms rage and winds howl I don't seek cover.
I face the torrents head on, bearing the stings of the heavy beads of sorrow.
I endure the storms because they're as much a part of paradise as the sun,
while their chaos spawns hurt, their calms provide clarity.

Sometimes this place becomes so cloudy that I struggle to see the sun.
There are times when I feel so alone that I turn from all,
left to myself; isolated and abandoned at my own request, I become lost.
Alone, I drift away from the shore, further and further from land...


Until suddenly your waves grab me, hold me firmly, and pull me back ashore...

...back to land, back to paradise, back home.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Ogres are Like Onions

It's said that ogres, much like onions, have layers. Right now I'm feeling mighty ogre-ish as I dissect my contradictory struggles of late. I'm finding such ease in condemnation and finger pointing as if I'm doing so from a position of an untouchable king. These silent voices deep inside tell me that what everyone else is doing is so wrong and sinful, while distracting me from my own flaws and mistakes. From the outer-most layer of smiles and joy to the concealed spoiled areas of misdirection and confusion, I'm feeling mighty ogre-ish.

It's not as though I'm reliving my emo/angsty years of adolescence where a minor insult is enough to set off bombs of rage and tsunamis of tears, this is a different situation entirely. It's a calm, collected, rational deflection of responsibility and maturity that is whispering instructions for everyone else. It's an ego-inflating, self-promoting voice. It's the parent blinded by love, certain and adamant that his average child is the next Einstein. This voice is the enemy.

This is where my ogreness is to my advantage. While this surface of smiles is no match for my delusional parent layer, there's this part of me much deeper down which keeps me grounded and in check. It doesn't always arrive on time to defeat this rotting layer, but it ALWAYS returns me to where I need to be. This layer is my Jesus layer. This layer tells me that no matter what, I'm loved. These are the words that my parent layer hates to use; these are not words of value in terms the world recognizes, but words of acceptance.

It doesn't matter what everyone else is doing, it's not my place to label, sort, and discard them; all that matters is that I know I'm loved. With this in mind, I WANT to stay in line, I WANT to live like Jesus, I WANT to make him proud. Not because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't, but because his love inspires me to carry out his work, and to be like him. This knowledge helps me to shed pieces of my uglier layers, and gives my surface something to smile about. It doesn't matter how many layers lead me to all sorts of different thoughts, behaviours, and words because Jesus is always waiting for me in the centre.

random thought

I wonder what wonder could be imagined,
if our nation left wonder to the imagination.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Filling in the holes

So today was a long since dreaded trip to the dentist for some overdue repairs. Shall I refer to the work with such kind euphemisms? I think not. These were not simply repairs, this was the work of skilled experts chipping and boring holes deep inside my teeth for eventual reworkings of metal and plastic parts to fill such endless craters. They stuck me with all sorts of freezing needles to numb the pain, (grateful for this by the way) until BLAMO! A shot misses its target, and I get stuck with some adrenaline in the wrong place.

"Don't worry, I've just hit a blood vessel by accident. You'll feel your heartbeat increase as it passes through your system" says my calm, collected D-man.

Fantastic, I was practically falling asleep at the droll thoughts of drilling and digging deep inside my teeth. This shot should keep me awake at least. /sarcasm. Feeling like a rabbit on the run from a troop of predators, my heartbeat raced as my face swelled and puffed up. Quite attractive, I can assure you.

Anyways, it's interesting how things change when I lose the ability to speak. With my mouth swollen, I had no ability to communicate. With such a limited amount of options, I began to observe. Not only did I watch attentively, but I also listened with deep intention. I heard all the nuances and subtext being applied to avoid panic from a jittery patient. Without my ability to speak, I became an active listener.

It makes me think, how much of life am I missing because I'm speaking when I should be listening? I communicate my position using my body language and words, but I already know my position. How much would be gained by opening up my ears and making an effort to hear with intention? This is my thought of the day. As I'm limited to listening for the remainder of a couple hours, it'll be my goal to apply some intentional listening, and only speak when it is necessary.

Beyond this, sitting in the torture chair, I spoke and listened to God. I asked him for relief at first from this scratching and screeching. But then, it became about much more. I heard what was on my heart, remembered the needs of my community; my friends, family, significant other/lady friend. I prayed for the needs of others, and felt comfort in God's ability to respond.

It's easy to hear with open ears.

Maybe I need to schedule a return trip to the dentist for a complete life check-up.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Retreat to Advance

After a long, full, intelligent discussion on a variety of beliefs and points of view, I feel quite good. First and foremost, it has allowed me to express some thoughts which have been left neglected. Beyond that, it has sparked a sort of introspection that is essential to intelligent thought. Finally, it has new thoughts emerging out of a process of fusion and incorporation of the collective ideas of my peers. To sum it all up, I have had an enlightening, fulfilling past few days.

Why is it that in order to advance ourselves beyond our stubborn, stagnant, unchanging ideas; beyond these major self-made obstacles, we must retreat? In any case, a removal from society was absolutely the solution for me this weekend. It wasn't an event put on for me in any way, yet with an event such as this retreat there are none who may not gain from the experience. It was my first time leading a group of guys in an intentional, deep capacity. It was my first time hearing and sharing with others so openly and honestly. It was a successful application of all I've been called to do as a leader and a follower of Christ; it was an experience of the greatness of God.

Beyond the retreat, there was a lengthy discussion had last night about a wide variety of beliefs and positions that may be held within the Christian faith. This was eye opening as it allowed a room of like-minded followers of God to experience the many different points of view that may be maintained all from under one roof. My brothers and sisters all had such similarities while maintaining their unique positions. These sorts of discussions make you thankful for the people you've been blessed to be surrounded by. They make you feel secure and safe. Even through our disagreements and differences of opinion, there was love, compassion and intrigue as we shared our opinions. Our speculation may have all been for naught in terms of practical application, but it was a refreshing, unity building experience to go through.

Yet, the question becomes, "now what?” I've had these amazing experiences in which I have felt the presence of God flowing through the kindness, transperity, honesty and love of my community, but now where do I go from here? The idealist would say I live every day in the attitudes and behaviours of retreat Matthew. The realist perhaps would point out the obstacles to carrying out this behaviour every day in the same way. But as for me, something must continue on this path. No things are built in this way to be abandoned and neglected. These relationships, being carefully constructed with love and intentionality, must be nurtured and maintained. It may have taken a retreat for me to advance beyond my oblivious maintenance of the status quo, but now as I return to life I mustn't falter in my advance. Those of you who need discussion, prayer, or just interaction, I want to be there as a source of comfort. This is the direction; this is the goal; maintenance and growth through the support of community.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Say what?

I'm sifting the noise to find my ideas; you could call it thinking. Beyond the surface of what's said lies a complicated process of elimination. In my mind at any given time hundreds of thoughts are speeding around on independent tracks in different directions. They remain unanchored and unbound, free to come and go, and entirely capable of repetition and growth. I see everything around me, and without conscious perception I neglect to realize each individual image is being processed and internalized. These images, along with other dormant or hidden pieces of information form the mental chaos. When order is applied, and these portions are separated into my conscious thought, something amazing is happening; the focus of my attention. I have the internal ability to magnify, amplify and develop any of these many thoughts. Beyond simply accessing and processing these thoughts, I then have the conscious decision of whether or not I express these ideas.

Such a complex process may take less than a second to occur, but its effects can last forever. The words I use may last far beyond my own demise, and reverberate in the minds of the future generations. If my speech is loving and kind, I can influence peace and generosity. If not, I can be the fuel to a raging fire of destruction and hatred. I may believe my words to be less influential than this, but regardless of my audience, I cannot deny that my words have an effect. I have the ability to purify my speech, and speak wisdom in silence if the occasion should require it. Influence may be as concealed as my most intimate of thoughts, but this is no reason to abandon consideration of my place in its effect.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Dig a little deeper...

In those moments of silence, the times of small talk and discussion, the many occasions of repetitive, unfocused conversation remember this expression.

While my heart beats loud and rapidly inside every moment we spend together, all you may feel is a faint pulse to the silent sound of its work.

While I sit in silence, and my love appears dormant in its slumberous state know that with one look you awaken my soul to its state of enamored expression.

While the pains of the possibility of our partition are enough to paralyze, I am kept in constant mobility by the comfort of our condition.

You see, while I appear confident, calm and collected on the surface, my mind is hectic, scattered, and confused. There is no order in love; no rules or structure to be followed. You cannot comprehend it by what you see, only what you feel.

If ever I fail to communicate my feelings accurately, don't let my confusion prevent you from recognizing the signs of my chaotic love.

For when I wake, when I move, even with every beat of my heart I am shouting expressions of my love.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Assuming You're into Music

Here is a list I made for a friend, perhaps you could benefit from its wisdom...

1. Mykonos, Ragged Wood, White Winter Hymnal - Fleet Foxes
2. Falling Through the Roof, This is What, Albina, Dustbowl, Finch on Saturday - Horse Feathers
3. No Woman No Cry, Ready or Not - The Fugees (not sure if you dig hip hop, but give it a shot)
4. Flume, For Emma, Stacks, Skinny Love - Bon Iver
5. Bowl of Oranges, The First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
6. Sunrise - Yeasayer
7. In the Beginning - K'naan
8. Walking on a Dream - Empire of the Sun
9. Saved by a Woman, Crazy - Ray Lamontagne
10. Drumming, Howl, Cosmic Love, I'm Not Calling You a Liar, Dog Days Are Over, You've Got the Love - Florence and the Machine
11. Steal My Kisses, Forever - Ben Harper
12. Blind Mary, Run, Going On - Gnarls Barkley
13. Gronlandic Edit, Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games, Disconnect the Dots, I Was Never Young - Of Montreal
14. The Traveling Song - Will.I.Am
15. The Youth, Kids, Time to Pretend - MGMT
16. Dream Machine (downtempo mix), Same God, Calling All Cars, Politics, Angel - Sean hayes
17. Is This Love, or Isn't It?, Sea Green See Blue, Gray or Blue - Jaymay
18. Heaven, Blessed, There is so Much More, Just Like the Moon, She's Mine, Aint no Reason - Brett Dennen
19. Skinny Dippin Girl, I Love the Rain the Most, The City, Suitcase, You Don't Like me Anyway, Can't Get it Right Today, Wash Away - Joe Purdy
20. Mr. Blue - Catherine Feeny
21. Wagon Wheel - Old Crow Medicine Show
22. Land of the Freak - King Khan & The Shrines (weird stuff)
23. Lovers Who Uncover - Crystal Castles (also weirdish)
24. Wild Mountain Nation, Black River Killer, Furr, Lady on the Water, Country Caravan, Asleep For Days - Blitzen Trapper
25. What's Been Going on, Better Days, Black River, Colors, Sweet Pea, Arms of a Woman, Keep it Loose, Night Train, Keep it Tight - Amos Lee
26. Ordinary Day, It's the End of the World as we Know it - Great Big Sea
27. If Venice is Sinking - Spirit of the West
28. Anything from K-OS' Fun! Album
29. Oh!, All Over Now, When You Were Mine, Back to Where I Was, Jettison, Ok it's alright with me, Rock and Roll - Eric Hutchinson
30. Cuddle Fuddle, I've Got Your Number, Sleepyhead - Passion Pit
31. Crane Wife 1&2, Crane Wife 3, Red Right Ankle, Sons and Daughters - The Decemberists
32. Under the Bridge, I Could Have Lied, Otherside, Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chili Peppers