Filled With Purpose

I was struck by this concept in my final reading of the semester that is worthy of some deep reflection. Annnd since you know I'm all about the deep reflection, here we go. The idea is that we both praise and fear the individual. On one hand, their individuality, their independence, their ability to live outside of conventions is admirable. The way they are able to stand up for their beliefs, speak out when they feel attacked, start conversations and seek social interaction in a genuine way, these are all desirable qualities worthy of recognition. They are what most people wish they could be. They are what I wish I could be.

Yet, while we admire their characteristics, we avoid and reject their advances. We want them to do their thing, just not around us. They stand out, and we make sure they know it by the way we chose not to acknowledge them.

"It's cool that people are able to talk and interact with strangers, just not with me."

"What will other people think if they see me talking to this guy?"

"What does he want from me? Whatever it is, I'll just ignore him until he gets the message."

As beings that are social in nature and necessity we are disgustingly antisocial in practice, depriving ourselves of nourishment and the opportunity for growth at the cost of (anti)social conventions. For me, it is nervous, anxious fear. Paralysis. This is a powerful adversary. We teach our kids to fear strangers out of our own fear. How can I love the neighbour I'm supposed to be afraid of? In all truth, I am excessively afraid.

Will I ever be like the people I'm afraid of? In the hopes that I may show the world what we are needlessly afraid of, I hope so. I need to become fearless of the unconventional, and fearful of the ever-present paralysis silencing my heart and mechanically powering the limited motions of my body. This is a worthwhile struggle.

Of the extremely few things I hate, I do hate small-talk. The bridge to my goal, shaky and full of painful memories, must be crossed and not looked back upon. It starts with an unfamiliar handshake and becomes a loving embrace. I AM a social being, being isolated is not an option. Silence is crippling and loneliness is death. As a man surrounded by water, refusing to drink, I am depriving myself of life. The chance to be refreshed and renewed should be endlessly pursued. I shall forever drink my fill.

And when I have no strength or will to drink, I will again find myself afloat in a river of life, drowning by my own stubborn, selfish-born fears. Solitude is my weakness, community my purpose, selfless love, my motivation. Finally, community is not an achievement. It is not fulfilled, completed, or brought to an end. I must not allow myself to stop, to grow complacent or comfortable with my work. Only is the end a time for reflection. Life requires endless effort, cessation is surrender. My life is not mine alone, and shall never be lived as though it were.