Hiya Friends

What do you call it when you are so busy that you put off procrastinating? I call it blogging.

Let's find a subject. We could chat about ASD, but then this would be like that paper I'm supposed to be writing. No fun for anyone, eh? Anyways, in an effort to update the distant world of far-off possible plans for the distant future, I've decided to share some information. This, I also call blogging.

That's enough light introductory notice, methinks. You know what's disturbing? A lack of deep conversation. In reflection last night, I realized that I've gone something like 90% of my life in superficial conversation. With all the talks and encounters that I've had, I've stayed afloat in safe waters. So much time is spent concealing thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and for what? To be polite, perhaps, but manners shouldn't limit the capacity to share and be heard. We wonder why people can become so immersed into pseudonyms and internet aliases without considering the people we create for ourselves in everyday life. I know I used to be so divided as a person that everything about me would shift with company; I took pride in my ability to adapt. Now, I'm so sad to think that I ever enjoyed a lack of integrity. Of course, the core never feels like it changes, one always feels as though the self is maintained, but so much of every interaction chip away at what is being concealed. Honour, integrity, dignity, these things are non-compromising and yet faced with compromise in light of duality and peer pressures. Worst of all, I feel powerless in intervening with the process of one who doesn't want to listen. Had someone tried to change me back when I was younger, they'd have had to have massive influence on me to even come close. Tough business to stand by and watch these things happen.

But yes, ranting like an old man, here I go again. I wonder what it feels like to live outside of the cycles of life. Not outside the circle of life; that thing is important. But the cycles of convention and normalcy. I don't desire to build a hut in the bushes, or do I? I don't know, something perspective changing I suppose would be great. I think this is why I prefer to cut my hair short, grow it long, grow a beard, whatever. People always ask what I'm going to do when I make some weird change, and I never have an answer. I suppose I wish to just ignore the fact that I'm making changes at all, as those physical changes are almost invisible to me until someone says something. I want my life to be about more than the physical details, I want to live a life of devotion to something greater. Believe me, I know the hypocrisy in saying this and then shopping at a mall, wearing name brands, and buying new technology, but I never said it'd be something I can do flawlessly. I WANT to get outside convention, to look beyond the distraction of consumer lights, and if I can find a way to start, I want to start. If I can follow a cause from a far removed position by clicking "like" on facebook and consider that enough, I need a wakeup call. That "like" is a dangerous button when it makes me feel as though one click is enough, and there's no reason to go deeper. It is for these reasons, that I dislike the like. If you're with me, try to start doing what you'd like, and try to stop just liking what you would do.