IDNA

"You see, everybody is somebody,
but nobody wants to be themselves,
and if I ever wanted to understand me,
I'll have to talk to someone else"

When I'm gone, all that will remain of me here on earth are my words and images. I mean, my corpse will be around for a bit, but that's a morose image to consider. Beyond my physical remains, in whatever form they may be, my existence will be encapsulated in the images and words of the past. Just thinking about that makes me want to try harder. EVERY thing I say, EVERY thing I do, all that I am in this current state of life is potentially recorded and remembered somewhere by someone. When I speak or act wisely, I am remembered in a positive light by those who may extract comfort or consolation from my presence. Contrarily, when I act in anger, haste, frustration, or ignorance, I am potentially remembered as a foolish person. My every decision adds to the actualization of the remembered individual I am destined to become.

Here's the real kicker about it; as a logical person, I try hard to live life by objective truths. That is, things which are true dependent on fact alone and void of subjective opinion as a factor in their validity. Yet, when I die, my entire existence becomes a subjective experience. There will be objective truth insofar as it will be true I lived, true I did so and so things, and true I died in such a manner, but the qualities of who I was as a person (fears, ambitions, emotions, etc.) will all be entirely subjective. You may have heard me say I love soccer, but will you really capture my love of the game? Will your recollection of my passion for the sport accurately represent my true feelings towards it? Of course not, you'll interpret my words, actions, and thoughts in much different a way than I. What does this mean for the memory of who I am to become after I am gone? It means that no matter what, nobody will know me as I know me, and therefore, I'll never exist in the same way I do now.

By no means am I urging you to forget me on these grounds. Rather, I'm just arriving at the obvious truth of existence. Here on earth, I have one shot to live and be me. Ultimately, when I die, I want people to have had the chance to know the real me with as much authenticity as I could possibly have exhibited. If I live my life a liar, and die as such, then what have I left to be remembered by but shadows and false impressions? I want to be real with you, I want to be as genuine as possible, I don't want to have a few people know the "real" me while everyone else was introduced to a stranger. How sad it would be if it is only at my funeral that people get to know the "real" me. I have the time now to be real, to be honest, and to make genuine connections. I must go beyond surface encounters to the heart of who I am, and to who you are. It can't be left unsaid for another day, as another day is an uncertainty.