Recent poems

If I lost myself, Would I find myself in you?
One by one, my senses slip away
and I become truly lost.

First I do away with my ability to taste.
No more displeasure in mushrooms and zucchini,
this is a loss I could get used to.
Then it dawns on me, no more home cooked meals.
No more grilled cheese, no more soup, no more cookies.
I'm missing you already.
But my heart isn't only accessed through my stomach, I press on.

With taste out, perhaps I'll not miss my sense of smell so much.
Although you don't smell, at least I won't have to smell myself,
HA! Small, peculiar victory i guess. But no biggie, right?
Until I think of being with you, and not having your sweet aromas fill my head.
Not being able to fill myself with your presence,
and breathe in your life.
This loss stings, but I still am myself, and still I continue onward.

Next, do away with my ability to feel.
No more physical pain, what a great relief that'd be,
no more sore muscles to get in my way.
And yet, no more sensation when our hands find eachother,
no more feeling when we kiss,
and no feeling of completeness when we embrace.
This is too much for me, I MUST be able to feel,
to really KNOW you're there, and not just the vision of my happiness.
For myself, I press on, however empty I may be feeling.

Take away my ability to hear, as without touch, I feel I have to be able to see you.
Without sound, I have no noise to bother me, no voices to annoy, just peaceful white noise.
But then it hits me, the very thing in you I love, the thing in which we share is lost.
You can no longer fill my head with your beautiful voice,
your laugh fades from memory as I break down in reminiscence.
Without so much as saying goodbye, so much of you is taken from me,
and regardless of anything, I have no desire to go on.
To take away my sight is to trap me in solitude.

Without desire or realization of what I've started, all light suddenly fades and i lose my sight.
Never again will I gaze deeply into your eyes,
to see you smile, laugh, or even cry.
The world is lost to me, and all I can picture is your face,
but as time goes on, your image fades to the darkness my life has become.

Tears fill my eyes as I try desperately to remember the last images of you and I,
Those moments I'd taken for granted, those times when I'd let you feel like anything less than my world.
Without the ability to be with you, I am lost in life.
There is no finding myself in you, as without you, there is nothing left in me to find.

If ever I should lose you in life, If ever we should grow apart, I hope I can hold this near and truly allow myself to become lost. Only in losing myself can I begin to understand your impact in my life. Without my senses, life loses its meaning, not because my meaning can be found in the simplicities of the world, but because you, as my world, are the meaning of my life. Without you, I truly am lost, my senses only allow me to verify how lost i'd be without you by my side.




One. Weakness. Not an omission or deficiency of strength. Contrarily, a mental barrier, preventing potential from even being recognized. Weakness isn't the inability to succeed so much as it is the inability to recognize one's successes. It creates unreachible goals as part of it's attack, causing feelings of failure to overwhelm even the most successful of people. If it were simply physical, weakness wouldn't be such a great adversary; it would be easily dismissed by hours spend lifting and running. But you can't run from true weakness, not towards strength anyways. Weakness runs with you, chanting in your ears "it's not enough". Weakness grows with your strength to constantly challenge new standards. The more you grow, the greater your self expectations develop, fueling the voice in your ear. When you stop, quit and give in, your successes never cease to be. Rather, they're only overshadowed by the voice of failure; the silent sound of weakness taking over.




Love is what strengthens you when you're at your weakest. It's that extra push to get every last drop out of the beauty of life. When the world seems to grow around you, and you feel lost among the masses, love is what grounds you. Love finds a way to bring people together, to spread itself over great distances, but also to let go at the right time. Love is neither conditional, nor fleeting. Love lasts from sunrise to set, and remains long after bodies whither to dust. When it is time to say goodbye, our love comforts us to know that departures are only temporary obstacles. Time, distance, life, death, none may prevent or inhibit us from knowing love. It compels us to selflessly exist for one another, and teaches us ways to experience true happiness. In times when even the self is lost, and the value of ones own life comes in to question, love reminds us of our importance. Love requires us all, and involves us all, it is an intricate network of common souls united in a goal of acceptance, tolerance, and reliance. Love exists in conjunction with my existence, for from the day of my very conception, love was shown to me. Jesus is love.




This morning I woke up in a daze;
I thought about life before I bothered being awake.
I thought so hard I could have sworn I was somewhere new.
No, not somewhere new, that's not right...
I could have sworn I was really awake.

But then my consciousness sped up and my eyes opened
only to reveal everything as it was when i'd said goodnight.
I got out of bed, got to school, then off to work, then home for supper.
Day in, day out, day in, day out, day in, day out,
sleep.

There's joy there, sure. But there's some pain too.
There are the good days, the bad days, the days that just seem to happen.
They pass so quickly its as though i'd slept through them,
only to find myself waking up in the same place, to the same good mornings.
But still....

There are those moments when I think so hard, so deeply.
Those are the moments when I realize that
awake is so much more than living with my eyes open;
awake is not something that's going to happen to me, or happen around me.
I need to be awake, and I need to stay awake.

Man, I don't want to go to sleep when I'm that awake.
I don't want to walk away from life when it's not just happening,
but when I'm there actively participating in it.
Even when I know tomorrow I'll wake up,
I'm so uncertain when I'll next feel awake.




I can't say I know much about love.
Not much about saying the right thing,
being the right guy,
or loving you the right way.
But I can honestly say that I don't ever want to get
to a point where I'm loving you out of habit.

My habits constrain me, they control and guide me.
I wake up, and fall into them like a trap.
They don't ask me when they choose for me,
they tell me where to go and what to do, and I listen.

You are my greatest companion.
You are that constant that I need to centre my life on.
You are everything that is important to me,
delicately combined into beauty, grace, compassion and love.
You are my all of the above, but you are not my habit.

You are my choice.

Loving you is an each-and-every-moment,
so-conscious-it's-killing-me,
gasping-for-air-cause-you're-leaving-me-breathless​,
turning-blue-but-loving-every-second type choice
that I make every time I set my eyes on you.

When you're staring daggers,
and they're pinning me to the walls,
I'm only thinking of how I can free myself
to be closer to you.

When you're walking away,
begging that I'll chase you, but wanting to be 1000 miles away from me,
I'm debating how i'll disappoint you by not giving you your way,
and how I'll ever be able to make it up to you
for letting you down.

When you're mad at me because I won't say what you want,
because I won't tell you what you're asking to hear,
because I won't do what you expect me to do, or be who you expect me to be,
know it's not because I don't love you, because believe me, I do...

It's because I don't want, not for one second,
my love to become a habit instead of a choice.
I don't want to fall into patterns and traps with you,
I'll break free of 1000 daggers, and chase you for a million miles
all the while knowing that there's nowhere else in the world I'd choose to be
but by your side.